Did Michael Jackson Die Yesterday?

Did Michael Jackson die yesterday? Holy Toledo, the death of Jesus Christ wouldn't receive this much coverage. I know he was a pop icon. I know "Thriller" was the best-selling non-greatest hits album of all time. I know his death came as a shock, that he was only fifty. Still, isn't the wall-to-wall, non-stop coverage a bit over the top?

And what of the knuckleheads seen traipsing around Hollywood Boulevard, placing flowers on Michael Jackson's star? The wrong Michael Jackson. You know, radio personality Michael Jackson. Why am I not surprised?

Of course, the one person truly happy to hear of Jackson's passing was South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, the sanctimonious and hypocritical former Senator who famously called upon Bill Clinton to resign from office for having an affair. The Jackson death -- coupled with the passing of Farrah Fawcett -- served to take Sanford off the front pages, where he has been deservedly lampooned for his own marital indiscretions involving an Argentinian senorita.

Anyway, in a city of freaks Michael Jackson was king. He made Phil Spector and Dennis Rodman seem normal by comparison. He set the weirdness bar at a heretofore unattainable height. Suffice it to say we'll never see another like him -- and that's probably a good thing.

Rush Limbaugh Is A Double Agent

Of course, everyone by now knows Rush Limbaugh has famously said he "hopes Obama fails." Let's leave aside for a moment the unpatriotic treason apparent in such a statement (who in America truly hopes our country fails?). The fact Rush is in effect the titular head of his party, isn't such a statement destined to drive mainstream Americans to the other side? If the vast majority of voters hope Obama's policies get us out of this economic malaise, won't they tend to disavow those who would hope those policies fail?

Then there's the unappealing spectacle of Republican leaders criticizing Rush for these outrageous statements and then turning around, apologizing and kissing Rush's ring in abject deference because they fear Rush will skewar them on his radio show. Not only is this behavior disgraceful, but it only goes to further marginalize an already powerless Republican leadership.

I say Rush has been conning us all along. I say he's a double agent bent on destroying the Republican Party once and for all. Just my two cents.

Lapel Pin?

Let me get this straight. Last night was probably the last chance to get Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton together for one of their "debates," the last chance to try to get them to differentiate their policy proposals. The country is mired in recession, with full-blown depression on the horizon. We're still in Iraq, an untenable occupation that is draining the public treasure and killing and maiming our soldiers. Our schools are failing, millions of people have no health insurance, the middle class is disappearing, we still don't have a coherent immigration policy, gas is almost four dollars a gallon, and almost none of the 9-11 commission's recommendations have been adopted.

There are any number of pressing issues upon which the voting public is clamoring for the opinions of both Obama and Clinton, yet the best the finest minds at ABC news can come up with is to focus on Barack Obama's fashion sense? Are you kidding me?

Let's leave aside the fact that flag etiquette suggests that "the flag should not be used as part of a costume or athletic uniform, except that a flag patch may be used on the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen and members of patriotic organizations." Instead, let's focus on the specious claim here: that, somehow, not wearing a flag on his lapel means Barack Obama isn't patriotic. All I can say is that if this is the best his opposition can come up with, Obama can go ahead and book his room at the White House.

Indeed, Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos -- pin-heads that they are -- wasted a good fifty minutes trying to play "gotcha" with Obama while a giddy Hillary grinned like the village idiot as she played spectator. It was last night, as I watched a once-proud network sink to the dark depths of tabloid journalism, I finally realized that what many pundits have been saying for years is really true: broadcast journalism (with the exception of Keith Olberman), is officially dead. Thank God for the internet.

Will Defection of Hillary Voters Hurt Obama?

I'm on record as saying that whining Hillary supporters who vow never to vote for Barack Obama are guilty of cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Indeed, many have gone so far as to say they'd vote for John McCain if their "inevitable candidate" is denied the nomination. I've tried to convince these people that such sentiments amount to lunacy, that to prefer a third Bush term to Obama is the height of hubris and self-flogging.

I've worried that, should enough Hillary supporters jump ship, Obama could conceivably be denied in the general election, an historical disaster that could possibly foreshadow the eventual demise of our once great nation.

After some reflection, however, I'm not so worried anymore. My guess is that the percentage of self-avowed "Evangelical Christians" and "Core Conservatives" who stay at home rather than vote for McCain will far outstrip the percentage of stubborn Hillary supporters who defect to McCain. Republicans appear to be apathetic and lethargic this time around, and, as I have noted before, turnout will be the real story of the general election.

And why shouldn't Republicans be dispirited? The era of Republican rule has reached an ignominious and inglorious end: the economy in shambles, a result of "free market economics" run amok; an unpopular and disastrous war and occupation, based upon lies and with no end in sight; no real action on their "core" issues of gays, guns and abortion; the mortgage meltdown as a direct result of Republican-supported deregulation. The Republicans have had their chance, and it has been empirically proven their way doesn't work. Republicans are depressed, as well they should be. They've been repudiated by history, and they'll stay home in droves this time.

Obama and Hillary, on the other hand, have inspired record numbers of voters, including the elusive "younger voters," to vote during this primary season. Independents and even Republicans have crossed over to vote for both of them in large numbers. Despite the internecine battle between the two candidates, the Democrats remain inspired and invigorated.

So when you read these polls about Hillary supporters voting for McCain, or McCain gaining an advantage over "likely voters" in a contest against Obama, remember these polls are merely snapshots in time. Most of the Hillary supporters will come to their senses, and many of these so-called "likely Republican voters" won't be seen at the ballot box. Come November, folks will be thronging to the polls to vote for Democrats in numbers never seen before, while countless numbers of core Republican voters will be sitting this one out in shame.

Ho, Hum, Lakers Qualify For Postseason

Has any professional sports franchise matched the L.A. Lakers record of success? In downing the Mavericks last night, the Lakers have now qualified for post season play a remarkable 55 times in 60 years. Including their Minnesota years they have won 16 league championships (better than once every four years) and 33 division championships (more than half).

I know, it seems as if every team in the NBA gets a playoff invite every year. But try telling that to the Clippers, the sad-sack co-tenant at the Staples Center. The Clippers only make it to the playoffs once in a blue moon, or when pigs fly, or whatever hackneyed cliche you want to use. Around here, however, the Lakers not making the playoffs qualifies as a "Man Bites Dog" story.

A couple of years ago, when Mitch Kupchak unceremoniously dumped Big Shaq for some blankets and trinkets, the locals were ready to go after Mitch with torches and pitchforks. Turns out Mitch actually knew what he was doing. Now the Lakers have the best player in the game -- still in his prime -- a smart, young big man in Pau Gasol and one of the best up-and-coming stars in the league in Andrew Bynum. Can you believe that, when Bynum finally gets back, Lamar Odom will be the third option on this team?

Yes, for Lakers fans, the salad days aren't just here again -- they've never left.

Hillary More Prepared to Be Commander in Chief

Just look at some of the statements of past presidents:
Richard Nixon: "I am not a crook."
Ronald Reagan: "To the best of my knowledge, our government was not involved in this Iran-Contra business."
George H.W. Bush: "Read my lips: no new taxes."
Bill Clinton: "I did not have sex with that woman."
George W. Bush: err, time and space doesn't permit me to list all the half-truths, disseminations and flat-out lies emanating from the mouth of our most esteemed leader.

Presidents lying through their teeth to the American people has been so commonplace the last thirty years it almost seems a prerequisite for the job. In this light, Hillary's claims about being under sniper fire during her visit to Bosnia several years ago take on new meaning: she's merely a president in training, and a better trained and more believable liar than Obama, for sure.

McCain Says Sunni, Shiia "Best Friends"

During his fact-finding mission to Iraq, John McCain was quoted that it was "common knowledge" that Sunni members of Al Qaeda routinely travel to Shiia Iran for training.

In a related story, scientists announced the stunning discovery that insects in fact like windshields and that elephant seals are secretly in love with killer whales.

Meanwhile, historians of ancient Rome have unearthed conclusive evidence that the Christians in fact loved the lions.