A Generation of Weenies, or

Enhancing Self Esteem At the Expense of Excellence Is a Bad Idea


My son just started his first season of Pop Warner flag football. It just so happens his team is pretty good. It's a good group of kids, they have a great coaching staff that seems to have somehow melded a bunch of six-year olds into a cohesive, disciplined unit, and the parents are largely supportive. They are so good there is really no drop-off from the first to second string. As a result, we're rolling over the other teams on our schedule. And our head coach may be running the risk of getting in trouble for it.

You see, Pop Warner has this rule preventing teams from running up the score. You know, we don't want little Johnny to think he's inferior because his team is getting its butt whipped. If a coach doesn't take drastic measures to prevent his team from running it up (in our case, telling his kids to quit trying, since the second string is almost as effective as the first) he can face disciplinary measures, including suspension.

But I happen to think the alternative -- telling kids to quit trying because they might embarrass the other guys -- might be just as damaging. When you teach a kid that it's wrong to try to win, and win big, you're teaching him that winning somehow doesn't really matter all that much. You're fooling him into thinking that life is somehow "fair."

Life is not fair. Some people lose, some win. Some win big while others lose big. Maybe that's a harsh lesson for six-year olds to come to grips with, but it's reality. And I really don't think those six-year olds getting their butts whipped need this extra enhancement of their self esteem at the expense of penalizing the excellence of their opponents. I worry that this type of hand-holding will not in fact result in a more self-actualized esteem, but instead will only create a generation of weenies who can't understand why life has treated them so badly. Just my two cents.