News Of the Week In Review

We found out this week that, in death, Michael Jackson was an even bigger ratings boost for the networks than when he was being tried as an alleged pedophile.

We learned the city of Los Angeles forked over as much as $3 million to host the funeral of a private citizen. This must be heart warming to all those laid-off municipal employees and school teachers, not to mention the citizens whose services have been cut and whose children's class sizes have swelled to unmanageable levels.

We learned that, as of Friday, a web site asking for donations to reimburse L.A. for the funeral had collected a paltry $35,000. Would that some of you self-professed M. Jackson lovers put your money where your mouth is.

We have our latest member in the "Yes, I'm a Stinking Hypocrite" club: meet John Ensign, Republican Senator from Nevada, another in a long line of "Family Values" Republicans who just can't seem to keep it in their pants. This one is even more sordid than usual; seems Ensign's parents gave his mistress some $100,000 in hush money as Ensign sought to keep the affair secret. She sang anyway, leaving Ensign looking both stupid and hypocritical. Somewhere a certain ex-President is laughing his ass off.

Scientists say we may be headed for a "major" El Nino event this winter. This means that in addition to the annual fall conflagrations and random earthquakes, California can look forward to torrential rainstorms and the inevitable mudslides and wanton destruction of which we are so fond. On the bright side, should be some nice wildflower displays next spring.

Seriously, at some point a major California politician needs to grow a pair and state the obvious: quit building homes in places where we know for certain they will eventually either burn or get washed off the mountain. Us low-landers are getting tired of footing the bill for rich folks who knowingly put their homes in harm's way. If you want a nice view, climb Mt. Baldy.

Did Michael Jackson Die Yesterday?

Did Michael Jackson die yesterday? Holy Toledo, the death of Jesus Christ wouldn't receive this much coverage. I know he was a pop icon. I know "Thriller" was the best-selling non-greatest hits album of all time. I know his death came as a shock, that he was only fifty. Still, isn't the wall-to-wall, non-stop coverage a bit over the top?

And what of the knuckleheads seen traipsing around Hollywood Boulevard, placing flowers on Michael Jackson's star? The wrong Michael Jackson. You know, radio personality Michael Jackson. Why am I not surprised?

Of course, the one person truly happy to hear of Jackson's passing was South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, the sanctimonious and hypocritical former Senator who famously called upon Bill Clinton to resign from office for having an affair. The Jackson death -- coupled with the passing of Farrah Fawcett -- served to take Sanford off the front pages, where he has been deservedly lampooned for his own marital indiscretions involving an Argentinian senorita.

Anyway, in a city of freaks Michael Jackson was king. He made Phil Spector and Dennis Rodman seem normal by comparison. He set the weirdness bar at a heretofore unattainable height. Suffice it to say we'll never see another like him -- and that's probably a good thing.